We did it! The walk, that is: fifty-five kilometres of anguish and trig points which I thought could only be completed by the bastard love-children of Haile Gebrselassie and the BFG. Fifty-five kilometres of enormous rucksacks, cameraderie, successful map-reading and sheep with terminal bronchitis. The latter, moaning in anguish throughout the night, will haunt my nightmares for eternity.

 

On Friday afternoon, we walked to the Ship and Anchor at Ford, but were denied the opportunity to sample the range of ales (I was too young) or go on the swings (too old). Day two was probably the hardest, as we walked along Monarch's Way up various steady and devastating inclines. Our group was accompanied by Ben 'Kevlar' Peveler, so called for being impervious to harm from UV rays and suicidally dangerous rope-swings. We stayed the night at Gumber Bothy, a camping farm. Yes, 'camping farm': this bizarre subspecies of farm diversification appears to serve exclusively as a refuge for fellow conscripts of Prince Philip's army. We shared our field with a bubbly selection of people from somewhere in Wimbledon. The rain descended during the night, and we stayed in our tents until quite late in the morning (wondering if the water could possibly boil any slower if the portable gas stoves were soaking wet). On the other hand, a cup of tea is infinitely more satisfying if it takes half an hour's effort. Like many other things, but the best I'm getting is Twining's at the moment. Ah well.

 

Anyway, on day three we ended up on top of Rackham Hill, looking down at a glorious view. Then we climbed down and hit the River Arun once again - the last two kilometres (or possibly three) being the hardest of all. We all felt tired but proud at the end of this daunting but successful hike.

 

Ironically, my ankle seized up on the bank holiday Monday, when the walk was over.

I've just packed my enormous and fragrant purple rucksack for tomorrow's Duke of Edinburgh's award practice expedition. I'm not the greatest at tents etc: on Friday and Saturday night I will be struggling to erect it.

 

[Pause. Thinks about previous sentence]

 

That's why I won't get a post at The Times.

 

Moving swiftly on, this perambulation should prove a pretty challenging trip, what with the:

 

Hello again. Hope you're enjoying your Easter.

 

I've just been rather annoyed by Gordon Brown. As well as forgetting to invite me to the G20 summit, he has just suggested that all young people should do 50 hours of voluntary work by the time they reach the age of nineteen. This would be compulsory.

 

I don't really like this idea. I feel that the principle of 'compulsory volunteering' is a preposterous contradiction in terms. Rather like: open prisons; a free society with both positive discrimination and a widening social divide; protests that can only run with police approval; and other hallmarks of a Labour government.

 

Suppose there is a touch of hypocrisy here: I was the one who was most in favour of continuing FCC's compulsory Sixth Form walk in aid of charity, despite complaints about the compulsory nature of it. But that was just a few hours walk in a refreshing breeze to a nature spot at Pagham, not state-sponsored slave labour cf. Ancient Egypt. Indeed, the Pagham walk proved another point for Brown to bear in mind. All those who were determined to avoid the Sixth Form Walk, did, and used their time in other ways. If people are determined not to volunteer, then they will not do it.

 

There's also another issue here. There was talk a while ago of universities counting volunteering hours towards UCAS tariffs (e.g. 50 hours working in Scope/Cat&Rabbit Rescue/building an eco-garden = 20 points, or similar). But then everyone would have loads more UCAS points, and unis would demand ridiculous tariffs!

 

But if the worst comes to the worst, volunteer. To campaign for a different political party, for instance - then they're sure to drop the initiative.

I've been elected to the Youth Cabinet!

 

Hello.

 

1) I'm on Facebook (just filled in my details). 

 

2) Remember to exercise.

 

Hello all.

 

After much soul-searching, I have decided to stand as a representative of the Bognor/Felpham area in the West Sussex Youth Cabinet elections. You can have a look at my manifesto here. Voting will start (on the same website) from the 28th of January. There are some massively experienced candidates running against me, but I'm still hopeful... either way, it should be a great experience, and it's good to see democracy in action. (Even if we younglings can't yet vote in general elections )

 

Anyway, I refuse to go into a big self-promotional spiel about how everyone should vote for me; but please, do make sure that you vote. Get your voice heard!

 

Matt [steps off his soapbox]

In advance of my final general studies exam tomorrow, I thought I'd put together a quick blog entry. Mostly in defiance of the subject itself. You'll notice I haven't deemed it worthy of capital letters. (All complaints about elitism should be sent via email: in perfect Latin.  NB: this is a joke. Grammatically dubious Ancient Greek will do fine.)

 

Here's a fragment from AQA's general studies specification, showing one of the course's aims:

"think critically, logically and constructively"

 

 

 

 

Are ideas a commodity, like beer, shoes or shares? Or are they free, like jokes or emails? 

 

Do we have the right to take ideas and creations away from their originators? Do they have the right to charge us for music, or information?

 

Where's my cup of tea?

 

In my November 9th entry from last year, I discussed the speculation surrounding the new Doctor. As we found out, it turned out to be... not Howard Brown.. not Billie Piper... not Catherine Zeta-Jones... but some bloke your probably haven't heard of: Matt Smith.

 

For a moment I was rather pleased, as I misread the headline and thought it might have been Smithy from Gavin&Stacey. There's inspired casting!

 

Anyway, the BBC is under fire again. You would think that this would be because of the new Doctor's age. After all, in the modern relaunch, the average age of the Doctor's actor at the time of taking the role has reduced by 8.5 years each incarnation. Now I've got no problem with young actors, being one myself, but if this trend continues, the Thirteenth Doctor will be a ten-year-old. Surely there are enough veteran actors around? After all, back in the Sixties, the original concept notes by children's writer Cecil Webber describe the Doc as"a frail old man lost in space and time". Then again, Webber wanted Britain's favourite Gallifreyan to travel around in a giant soap bubble. 'Tennant Attacks Rumble Daleks (In Soap)'?

 

The actual reason the BBC has been facing difficult questions is not down to the choice of Time Lord. Nor is it due to Steven Moffat's script for the first three episodes, in which the Doctor saves a wind turbine from climate-change sceptics. (Just joking, Mr Bellamy. Dear me, some people do get worked up!) The controversy surrounds odd betting patterns about the new Doctor, in which the odds on Matt Smith fell from 33-1 to 10-1 "after a flurry of bets were made on the relatively unknown 26-year-old". It wasn't exactly monstrous syndicate behaviour, but enough to raise concerns. The Beeb, meanwhile, denies that any of its people were involved. Just think: if the BBC had bet half a million pounds at 33-1, they would have made enough money to offer another £18,000,000 deal to Jonathan Ross! Or give a few thousand journalists secure jobs, perhaps.

 

But the excitement isn't over yet: we may yet see Lily Allen as the new assistant. I suppose she does have the qualifications: her 2008 Glamour Woman of the Year Awards 'Editors Special Award', for example. What's more, she hasn't used alcohol since September, according to the dubious Wikipedia. Nevertheless, do Tardises have mini-fridges?

 

Allen is also politically conscious, if not always physically conscious. She is credited (again by Wiki) with "helping inspire a parliamentary rebellion". No, not by smoking weed with the Right Honourable David Cameron - she wrote to all MPs asking them to support an amendment to an energy bill. This does deserve applause.

 

Until we find out, we shall have to be content with watching the DVDs. Or maybe camcorderizing our own episodes.

 

Jonathan Ross? £18,000,000. The bloke next door as a cyberman? Priceless. There are some things money can't buy...

 

 

Welcome back to David Watch!, the informatve series which is probably better than Bernard's Watch and might even give Springwatch  a run for its money. Just to remind you, this strand keeps an eye on an assortment of celebrity Davids. Let's see what they've all been doing: complete with colour pictures!

David Miliband has sought to emphasise the positives of 2008 on his blog. "The year that was will be remembered for the economic crash, and for very difficult conflicts from Afghanistan to Sudan.  The pain of Zimbabwe's people deepened.  The shadow of terrorism hit India hard." But it's not all doom and gloom in Miliband's eyes: "In Iraq progress on security and economy was maintained."  I imagine it's not a Labour government in Iraq, then. He even managed to annoy Iran by saying that Iran's nuclear programme was a threat to world security. Fair point.

Miliband has also bigged-up the EU's efforts to tacke piracy in Somalia. In return, he got rinsed by the public, who chipped in with comments like "Is it just a coincidence that as the US backed occupation of Somalia by Ethiopia goes tits up it's all Somali pirates this and Somali pirates that?" by 'Mark'. 'stu' added "And stop backing warlords." Miliband also celebrates more than 100 countries' decision to drop (e.g. stop using) cluster bombs; but, as 'Paul' pointed out, "Shame that the definition of cluster bomb / multiple munitions excludes the next generation of weapons that we are buying from the Americans..."

British politics' second-most-famous modern David has plenty on his New Year to-do list: sorting out Gaza, sorting out Afghanistan and Pakistan, sorting out Africa, and sorting out climate change. Superman, doubtless, fears for his job.

My favourite sentence on his blog? "Coal is a reality."  That must be a deep, Confucius-style philosophical statement with profound implications about the modern world. Maybe? No? Has he been watching too much Heroes? (See 'The Book of Suresh'.)

Miliband's fascinating factoids #1: "Kabul now has blackberry coverage." Presumably that's the alternative to cluster bombs.

 

David Bellamy has joined in with the public's new favourite sport (BBC-hating) and has had a bit of a tiff with George Monbiot of the Guardian, in the process. The unreliable Wiki reports that "Dr Bellamy complained in November 2008 that his dissent from global warming has resulted in rejection for his BBC TV program ideas." Nothing to do with the BCC's preference for clear speakers, then?

Monbiot disagrees with Bellamy's claims. He observed that Bellamy had not worked with the BBC since 1994, despite only publicly disagreeing with global warming since 2004. Mombiot correctly pointed out that Bellamy had supported the global warming theory until the turn of the milennium. Who says research skills are dead?

Bellamy does deserve applause for being the first of our Davids to dissent against the political heavyweights of Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, La-La and Po. He commented: “Have you noticed there is a wind turbine on Teletubbies? That’s subliminal advertising, isn’t it?”

That man really doesn't like wind turbines. In December he was in Llandudno to oppose one of the world's largest offshore windfarms.

It's all rather strange.

 

David N'Gog created the fifth goal in Liverpool's 5-1 win away at Newcastle. Within eight minutes of coming on, the mighty 19-year-old was tugged down by Edgar, a penalty was given, and Xabi Alonso scored to complete the rout. He has made several other substitute appearances, too.

N'Gog also started Liverpool's Champions League match away to PSV, and slotted home the third goal as the Red won 3-1.

 

David Dickinson caused a severe shortage of orange paint when the "Bobby Dazzler" appearing in Star Portraits with Rolf Harris. Obviously the BBC don't care about Dickinson's views on the environment: probably "cheap as chips!"

 

David Bowie has done nothing of note, it would seem. However, his work was credited as an influence for the brilliant La Roux. Go and download Quicksand. Do it now.

 

Anyway, I'll be examining the next diabolical deeds of our Davids in April. Until then, bye-bye, and remember: erect a wind turbine at your own peril.

Hello, reader, and a Happy New Year. I hope you have enjoyed the festive season. Seldom in recent times have we been so able to experience the true spirit of Christmas: that is to say, we all know where Bob Cratchit was coming from when he asked for another shovelful of coal for the fire. Although now of course it's massive nuclear power stations rather than coal fires; and we have to ask the French for our power, rather than Scrooge. Ooh-er.

 

Alas, this Yuletide has been marked by the passing of one we all held dear: Woolworths. Note: I was trying for another knowing comparison to 'A Christmas Carol' there, but there are no easy connections between Woolworths and Tiny Tim. (Though I thought I saw him working in there, when it was still open...) We will never again be able to choose CD singles and pick-and-mix in the same shop. Woolworths in Bognor went through rather a lot. It was bombed by the IRA (bastards: there was a perfectly good Littlewoods nearby). It endured a devastating stock-room fire in 1974; a disaster which, judging by some of the coverage in the Observer,  was a more terrible tragedy than the Dresden bombings.  More than fifteen hundred jelly babies were lost in the blaze, along with two dozen tins of Roses and and an unspecified number of Carl Douglas' Kung Fu Fighting singles.

 

Sorry Woolies. We loved you really.

 

Elsewhere, Bognor Town have been getting into the festive spirit by generously improving everyone else's goal difference. We've now shipped twelve goals in our last three games. Optimists would argue that we have scored ourselves in each of these, and it's true that we have played some attractive passing football. Although, thinking about it, it's rather difficult not to play passing football. What else are you going to do with the thing?

 

Anyway, the new year is finally here, and with it some new fresh news and comment. You will soon be able to hear me on the airwaves (more on this to follow), and it's not long until the college's Charity Week. 

 

While we're on the charity topic, congratulations to Mr Swann for winning the John Wiley Award for services to the college or community- probably both, given his workrate!  On a lighter note, well done for winning the Expert On The Life And Works Of Elton John Award. Here it is.

 

 

Plus, if there's anybody out there, why not make a comment on this site, or send me an email? You know you want to! New takes on events, or ideas for fresh topics, are always welcome. In the meantime, why not check out 'Teh Thoughts of Soul. ;o', as he explores the artificial intelligence used in Left 4 Dead. Always remember, if you want your zombies to randomly wander around a section of the map, use "randomization values for changing the x, y, z values of the entity itself, through a node waypoint system". Enjoy!

 

 

Matt.

"Was their any warning of their arrival? A single event that set this chain into motion?" - Sendhil Ramamurthy, playing Mohinder Suresh, in one of his many insane voiceovers.

 

I do not mean this in a positive way, as in "omfg that was so insane!!!". What I mean is that the scriptwriters must have eaten some of that African bloke's weird hyena-and-tree-root paste to come up with such garbage.

 

Anyway, my mission in this category of blogs is to put Suresh's ridiculous comments into one block and see what the resultant mess looks like. Will it shed any light on the deeper meanings of the universe? Will it reveal plotlines yet to come? Will I strangle myself with my own mouse-cord before completing this epic work? Read on...

 

 

The Book of Suresh

 

Series One, Episodes 1-10

 

Where does it come from? -- this quest? This need to solve life's mysteries, when the simplest of questions can never be answered. Why are we here? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we'd be better off not looking at all. Not delving, not yearning. That's not human nature. Not the human heart. That is not why we are here. We all imagine ourselves the agents of our destiny, capable of determining our own fate. But have we truly any choice in when we rise or when we fall? Or does a force larger than ourselves bid us our direction? Is it evolution that takes us by the hand? Does science point our way? Or is it God who intervenes, keeping us safe? For all his bluster, it is the sad province of man that he cannot choose his triumph. He can only choose how he will stand when the call of destiny comes. Hoping that he'll have the courage to answer. When evolution selects its agents, it does so at a cost. It makes demands in exchange for singularity. And you may be asked to do something against your very nature. Suddenly, the change in your life that should have been wonderful comes as a betrayal. It may seem cruel, but the goal is nothing short of self-preservation. Survival. This force, evolution, is not sentimental. Like the earth itself, it knows only the hard facts of life's struggle with death. All you can do it hope and trust. That when you've served its needs faithfully, there may still remain some glimmer of the life you once knew. Sometimes questions are more powerful than answers. How is this happening? What are they? Why them and not others? Why now? What does it all mean? When a change comes, some species feel the urge to migrate. They call it zugunruhe—the pull of the soul to a far-off place, following a scent in the wind, a star in the sky. The ancient message comes, calling the kindred to take flight and to gather together. Only then can they hope to survive the cruel season to come. Evolution is an imperfect and often violent process. A battle between what exists and what is yet to be born. In the midst of these birth pains, morality loses its meaning. The question of good and evil reduced to one simple choice: survive or perish. Evolution is an imperfect and often violent process. Morality loses its meaning. The question of good and evil reduced to one simple choice: survive or perish. They cannot fathom how much you stand to lose in failure. But you are the instrument of a flawless design. And all of life may hang in the balance. A hero learns quickly who can comprehend and who merely stands in your way. The earth is large. Large enough that you think you can hide from anything--from fate, from God. If only you found a place far enough away. So you run. To the edge of the earth. Where all is safe again, quiet and warm. The solace of salt air. The peace of danger left behind. The luxury of grief. And maybe for a moment ... you believe you have escaped. You can run far. You can take your small precautions. But have you really gotten away? Can you ever escape? Or is the truth that you do not have the strength or cunning to hide from destiny? But the world is not small. You are. And fate can find you anywhere. We are, if anything, creatures of habit ... drawn to the safety and comfort of the familiar. But what happens when the familiar becomes unsafe? When the fear that we have been desperately trying to avoid finds us where we live? We are all, at our cores, the sum of our fears. To embrace destiny, we must, inevitably, face those fears and conquer them. Whether they come from the familiar ... Or the unknown. To everything, there is a season, and a time to every purpose. The earth spins at a thousand miles an hour as we desperately try to keep from being thrown off. Like the first blush of winter that signals a great migration. Was there any warning of their arrival? A sign, a single event that set this chain into motion? Was it a whisper in God's ear? Survive. Adapt. Escape. And if we could mark that single moment in time, --that first hint of the prophecy of approaching danger ... Would we have done anything differently? Could it have been stopped? Or was the die long ago cast? And if we could go back, alter its course, stop it from happening ... ... Would we? These people ... Their future is written on their DNA. Just as the past, it seems, is written in stone. Was the die cast from the very beginning? Or is it in our own hands to alter the course of destiny? Of all our abilities, it is free will that truly makes us unique. With it, we have a tiny, but potent, chance to deny fate. And only with it can we find our way back to being human.

Caitlin Moran, the wonderful Times columnist, wrote the other day about the massive speculation surrounding Doctor Who. The nation appears to be wrapped up in gossip about the new Doctor, as the fan-site rumour mill ploughs into overdrive. Who could be stepping out from the Tardis this Christmas?

 

Anyway, Moran lists a vast number of people who have been linked to the role. These include, according to the unreliable Wiki: James Nesbitt, Robert Carlyle, Bill Nighy, David Walliams, Harry Lloyd, David Morrissey, Paterson Joseph and David Mitchell. Doubtless by the time this blog entry is finished, the list will also include Ann Widdecombe, Kim Jong-il, and Barney Harwood from CBBC (a decent actor who has potential for more serious programmes that Bear Behaving Badly). In fact, the whole Kim Jong-il thing sort of makes sense. He hasn't been seen in public for a while, has he?

 

While the world's conspiracy theorists ponder this theory, it might be worth having a glance at the list of actors who have been linked with the role, or auditioned for it, before previous series of Who were launched. Some of these people are still worth considering today:

 

Old Candidates for First Doctor: Most are sadly deceased.

Second Doctor: Ditto.

Third Doctor: Ron Moody (Fagin in Oliver!)

Fourth Doctor: Bernard Cribbins (Donna's grandad in the last Who)

Fifth Doctor: Richard Griffiths (Uncle Vernon in Harry Potter)

Sixth Doctor: ? Section not present. (Basic maths appears not to be Wikians' forte)

Seventh Doctor: Not many notable candidates.

Eighth Doctor: Tim Curry, Eric Idle, Billy Connolly, Michael Palin, Rowan Atkinson, Anthony Head (the creepy headmaster in the Who episode 'School Reunion')

Ninth Doctor: Hugh Grant, Bill Nighy (apparently), Eddie Izzard

Tenth Doctor: Bill Nighy (again, according to the tabloids)

 

I have no doubt that Stephen Moffatt will pick someone unexpected. Moran maintains that the role would never go to (for example) Howard Brown from the Halifax adverts. However, eccentricity has been the mark of some, and arguably all, previous Doctors: Brown is certainly a decent candidate in that respect. In addition, he was axed from the Halifax ads in April due to the credit crunch... who knows?

 

Hello. I thought it was about time I mentioned my brother David. He deserves it.

 

Anyway, I thought I'd start a regular entry, looking at a selection of famous Davids, and what they've been up to, on a bimonthly basis. Here are the five Davids we'll be looking at:

 

David Miliband is in the Democratic Republic of Congo, the African nation torn by yet more tribal infighting and therefore reminiscent of certain areas of Yapton. He hopes to find a solution to the conflict there, but would surely have been best advised to take Gordon Brown with him: Brown could then gurn at the Congolese rebel militia, forcing them into a panicked retreat. 

 

David Bellamy appears to have done very little in the past four months, except opening a new botanic garden in Bristol (July) and teaching schoolchildren (June) how to protect the nation's beaches ("Smack my beach up"? No?)

 

David N'Gog moved to Liverpool FC from Paris St. Germain in the summer; thus disproving the popular urban myth that all French teenagers are signed by Arsene Wenger. He made his debut against Aston Villa in August, and is noted for his excellent goals for the French youth sides. He is Jean-Alain Boumsong's cousin. (It seems almost inevitable that he will be mentioned in a quiz in the distant future about lesser-known Liverpool squad players, so remember his name. He also appears in this list due to the blogger's absolute unwillingness to mention David Beckham... oops.)

 

David Dickinson. He of the Bargain Hunt appeared on Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway. Following the frantic driving challenge, Ant and Dec's Saturday night takeaway appeared on David Dickinson. [Audience card: LAUGH]

 

David Bowie released an album free with 'The News of the World' in June. This disc contains a selection of obscure album tracks. On 3rd November, some of Bowie's music videos were shown in New York 's Museum of Modern Art. Not that modern, surely?

 

More on our sampling of Davids in January, by which time Bellamy may have jumped into another river.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a nutshell... why? Do people have nothing better to do?

The following is an adaptation of Robert Frost’s ‘The Road Not Taken’. How was it adapted, I hear you ask? Simple! Just by translating it from English into Spanish, and then into French, and then back to English again, on Yahoo’s BabelFish. Here follow's Yahoo’s best effort at translating Frost's thoughtful work...

 

Two ways diverged in a yellow wood,

and saddened it could not travel both

AND I am a traveller, length stays placed

AND supervised under this why it could

with where he folded in the undergrowth;

To take l' then; other, so much like Juste,

and by having perhaps the best request,

parce qu' it was grassy and expensive wear;

However as for that the step there

had used those really presqu' equal,

and all two that the morning also puts

In sheets ninguÌ  N not had pressed black.

Oh, j' kept the first for another day!

With while knowing the manner it carries lighting to the manner,

j' doubted if I am never turned over.

I will say this with ages d' a sigh

in a certain part and ages consequently:

Two ways diverged in a wood, and j'

took that which is travelled less fence,

AND that differentiated all it.

 

Erm... don't think many translators will be losing sleep over competition from their free online competitor!